My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
