He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i have two assholes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize