Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
