I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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