Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
