He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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