NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
