never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
