he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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