Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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