Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
