I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
