The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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