Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
