At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
