Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
