I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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