have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
