you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
