Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
