dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
