Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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