LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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