Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
