Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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