I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
