this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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