My sheets look like a crime scene.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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