Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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