I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
