I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
