Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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