Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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