He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
