I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is wine microwaveable?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize