dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
