He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
