Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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