He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
