well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
