You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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