the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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