I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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