wat bout pragnant strippers??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize