Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
