I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
