the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's rum buckets o'clock
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize