We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sober January is a disaster.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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