Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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