Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
