You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize