my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
