One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
