I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
