do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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