I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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