remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
