i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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