Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
