Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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