No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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