So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
