he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize