somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
