She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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