11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
