I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
