that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
