I wish I could teleport
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
vagina is talking i cant
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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