I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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