i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
