I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
