I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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