Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
