Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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