Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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