the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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