The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
