I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
