I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
