when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
