Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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