Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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