Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
