she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
