She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
