I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
