is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
