i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
