i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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