I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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