I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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