I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She even gives head with a lisp.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
