dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
