I hate your face
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
