I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
