I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
