are you so shy because you have an std?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
