Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
