burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
