just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize