Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
