I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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