so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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