i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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