I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just threw up on my dentist
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
