He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
