We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you win again, gameday.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
