I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
