You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
