I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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