these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
