Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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