Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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