Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
