just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
