You just made me feel so damn special
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize